It's shorty's what now?

And now, I hedge. In spite of the encouraging "Yay, immolation!" response in comments (sickos), I worry that last post makes me look classist.

And I'm not. Or I'm not at present. I'll admit I might've been at one point in my life, while I was in high school and living in an affluent American suburb yet part of a family slipping down, down, down the socioeconomic ladder following a divorce. Or maybe I was just sixteen and a snot. Either way, who didn't go through a phase like that?

Now I'm wise enough to now that rich, poor, or middle class, from all races, ethnicities, religions, nations, educational institutions and walks of life, ignorant assholes are everywhere.

When it comes to money, I don't begrudge people who have lots of it, or more than I do. I recognize that I'm capable of making choices in life that will bring me more or less money. I just don't want to go into sales. So I assume those with money either earned it (and I can certainly respect that), or somebody else did, or they're just lucky. However it happened, bully for them. Money has to go somewhere, and that's where some ended up. (Or if it was illegally sourced, maybe someday they'll get caught and we can all evaluate how clever or not they were.)

Yet I can't shake the instinctive thought that if you have a whole lot of money, vast, Scrooge McDuck-esque piles everywhere you turn, you should find something good to do with it. And I mean good in a broad sense. Not just good for yourself or your family or for mankind -- all would work -- but also well-used. Rather than inefficiently bandied about it a way that makes you look hermetically sealed off from rational society. And if you can't do that, maybe somebody else should have that money. Completely unworkable, I know, but it's just a thought.

Let me explain with an example.

If you spend $10 million on your daughter's bat mitzvah, my instinct tells me: Sure, it's your right, but if that's all you can think to do with it maybe you shouldn't have that money. Maybe it should go to somebody who would use it as the seed for a space program instead.

A Viewer's Response

I've noticed that I write a lot about MTV here, and I might have figured out why this is. Unlike other subjects -- world events, the arts, people, places, things -- simply watching MTV with three or more active brain cells fully qualifies one to write about it. So no matter what I say, I can write with complete authority. It's not like I'll be contradicted by somebody with greater expertise.

Sure, the president seems to think that the oath of office is a valid check on executive power, which is on its face laughable. Sure, if you listen to him speak in more than sound bite snippets you notice how many of his arguments are tautological, which strikes me as weirdly close to fanatical thinking. But oo, hey, what's that, hah -- moving pictures shiny.


And as such...

My Super Sweet Sixteen isn't a show I'd recommend. In fact, if anything, I'd recommend never watching it and not allowing it on your television even for an instant. Because as soon as you do, you're stuck -- an inescapable train wreck of terrifying proportions. And for what? It's awful people behaving like the despicable, selfish germs they are, and I'm incapable of turning it off. Afterwards, I feel dirty. It's just that evil.

The people in it -- well, the children and parents -- are so removed from reality that I always want terrible, terrible things to happen to them. Just to bring them back from that edge, to ground them a little better. The wife and I were watching an episode earlier and had the following exchange:

Me: "I think I've figured out what this show needs. Immolation."
TW: "Immolation?"
Me: "Yeah."
TW: "What's immolation?"
Me: "Setting people on fire."

(You might note from the cadences that, yes, watching this show actively makes you stupider.)

But now I wonder if setting self-absorbed rich people and their satanic offspring on fire might not be the entertainment product of the future. There could be a market for this.

Though, in fairness, MTV casts people who have so embraced solipsism that my first question inevitably becomes: Would they even notice?

Further Notes on an Absence

Again regarding that big lapse in blogging... Just so you know how lucky you all are, please note that I resisted all temptation to turn this into a Floyd-a-day blog.

And I could've too. I have the pictures.

Embarrassment of Riches

Speaking of Real World/Road Rules Challenges, you should all be watching The Gauntlet 2. Only 2 episodes have aired, so a massive cast of delightfully misguided wingnuts still remains.

Psychotic inner-team rivalry is built right into the game, pushing a breakdown with a call to the police practically in the first episode. Had Jo never watched the show? Had she never watched MTV? I'm thinking not so much. Pure genius, that.

Also, here's the trailer for X3, in case anybody hasn't seen it yet. The trailer looks good, of course, and the fact that Brett Ratner is executive producing Prison Break gives me some hope for the franchise. On a certain level, I curse that hope.

Anybody who can tell I'm working tonight, raise your hand. Well done.

The Miz Speaks

(I originally wrote this one on 9/8...)

I swear we're not watching it, but did everybody know that Mike "The Miz" is on Battle of the Network Reality Stars? Leaving aside the fact that (as a Real World and Real World/Road Rules Challenge alum) he wasn't on a network reality show, per se, the wife sent me an email to let me know about this bit of genius casting.

Consistently one of the best contributors to the wholly remarkable Inferno II, I was intrigued. I read a blurb and found a link to The Miz's website, where you can learn how to get in touch with your own inner Miz -- "what gives MIZ it's amo!" (MTV doesn't cast for spelling or grammar skills. They want skillz.)

Do many Real World cast members have their own websites? Most of them? It's an idle wonder, insufficient to actually research.

I learned from The Miz's site that he works as a motivational speaker -- really, I'm not making this up. Immediately I'm trying to figure out how that works, if he's pushing a gospel of Mizziness and television -- his Real World experience, which is different from real world experience, is claimed as a public speaking selling point. Embrace your inner Miz, get on TV, and then all will be well, your dreams will come true, and so forth? Is that motivational? Is it realistic?

Gus van Sant would be so proud.

I'm left wondering what sort of organization would hire Mike as a motivational speaker. Schools? Schools trying to impart important lessons to children?


Hmmmm...


"Okay, class, let's give a big thank you to Mike 'The Miz' for coming out to talk to us today. What did we all learn from Mike?"

"Be on TELEVISION!!!"

"Of course we must. But television doesn't just happen to people. What do we need to work on to be on television?"

"Our ABS!!!"

"Very good. Abs are, in fact, essential. But not everything will help us be on television. What do we need to lose, class?"

"...um...weight?"

"No, not weight, too obvious."

"Our DIGNITY!!!"

"Yes. Perfect."


(12/15 update: Regarding Battle of the Network Reality Starts, yeah... We totally watched it. And we'd watch it again.)

Several months later...

Why hello, are you still here? Gosh, I must say I'm flattered. Baffled as well, but happy all the same.

So am I the only blogger (using the term loosely, it's hardly a complete self-description or definition) who writes posts and never actually posts them? No, it's probably just me, or at least I'm sure I'm in a minority.

At least, I'm sure it's me. It's actually very, very me. To have my interest caught by a topic and consider it, think of things to say about it, organize my thoughts in the form of a quasi-essay, possibly with devices, and then say, "Hmm... Maybe later," and repeat step 1. That's me. Unless I stumble across a forum, I generally don't share much. It's the formulation that's fun for me, and one of the things I liked about blogging way back when (April?) was that it pushed that formulation. It generates its own forum too, but clearly that's not the fun part for me.

At some point I noticed I could write without hitting the publish button, and, well, here's this lapse that we have now. Plus that way I don't have to go through the bother of proofreading and updating links. Also that way I'm not publicly pontificating about stuff in the news where I honestly only know about 2% of the subject, etc.

It's not exactly intuitive, but leaving posts indefinitely open-ended streamlines the process quite nicely.

But then there's you. Look, you're still here reading me prattle on about something that can't possibly be interesting, and you'll want to read more of this tomorrow. How can I disappoint somebody like that? You might be dangerous.

So let me apologize now for failing to lessen the daily boredom of several people. At least 3, I think. I'll publish a couple of these just-lying-around posts right quick. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow. Just as soon as I proofread them and update some links...


However, "Getting some things off my chest in the form of an open fan letter to Mitchell Hurwitz" will simply never be published because of several unforgivably cruel things said about my own family. I'm certain we're all better off without it.